Most of us have physical features that we feel largely define our aesthetic, for some of us it's the colour of our eyes and for others it's their freckles, but for Ayush, it's his hair. His Instagram doesn't tell us (his followers) much about him, which is why I was particularly excited to do this interview. I learnt how his hair growth journey was deeply interwoven with his growth into an independent thinking and free spirited young man. We talked about everything from learning to accept what makes you unique, to living alone in different countries, to family expectations and values. He's cool, I'm sure you'll agree.
So, from the beginning. Stratford, East London. Pre-Olympics. "Yeh, it was rough. Growing up we didn't have much but I had fun. I was always surrounded by troublemakers. Looking back though, I was definitely one of them. My mum didn't trust me going to high school locally so she sent me further afield expecting it to sort me out."
Did it? "I mean, yeh in some ways. It was in Essex so I remember feeling like I couldn't get away with what I was used to. People would look at me and treat me funny if I acted up, so I didn't really have a choice but to compose myself and fix up. High school was definitely a weird environment for those reasons. I was also one of only a few brown kids."
Do you remember what you wanted to be when you got older? Was that something you ever thought about? "Oh yeh, I thought about it all the time! Coming from quite a strict, Indian household, the standard was to become a doctor, but I realised quite early on that I wasn't very good at science. So from medicine I turned quite quickly to accountancy. Went to college for it and everything."
How was that? "Oh, easily the worst experience of my life. I dropped out. F*ck that."
Having left education, Ayush spent a year in Australia playing and teaching Cricket. A huge transition to say the least... "Oh yeh, completely. A little bit of background... growing up I had played county-level Cricket. I started really young because my parents thought the competitive side of the sport was good for me. I guess I was talented because I actually got contracted by an Australian team."
Oh wow... "Honestly, I did have some family out there but I think moving was one of the best things that could have happened for me. I feel like when you go to another country you can really reinvent yourself. You can go from being a loser in one country to whoever you want to be in another, simply because nobody knows you and nothing is holding you back. It definitely gave me a licence to express myself more freely."
Yeh I get what you mean. So what changes did you start to notice about yourself? How did this licence to express yourself manifest? "Interestingly enough, I'd say when I got to Australia is when the hair growth began. It wasn't intentional. For starters I noticed almost immediately how rugged and carefree the men were over there. They didn't seem to preen themselves in the same way that I remember the "Essex boys" from school did."
Ahh, I see... "My hair is very curly, so the typical "f-boy" haircut from school just never suited me. To be honest, my hair just grew and I didn't cut it. Then it got longer and I still didn't cut it. Ignoring the fact that I didn't always have money for haircuts, I just let my hair do its thing."
Growing into yourself on the other side of the world to home, is not something I have known many people to have experienced. Did Australia start to feel like home to you? "It's funny because I was actually based in central Sydney but my team was based in an area that was essentially full of rednecks. I had no choice but to mingle with them. Don't get me wrong though, I didn't experience any form of racism. I was comfortable. Their sense of humour and what they did for fun really allowed me to feel part of everything. I don't quite know how to explain it, but I could never say it completely felt like home"
Side-note: How would you describe your sense of humour? "I'm childish AF. I'm a little kid inside."
Right. So, social media. "Mmm, Social Media. Let me just say that pre-Australia, I actually hated social media. It was a platform for comparison and it just made me feel like I was mediocre at everything."
Yeh, I completely understand where you're coming from. I always hear, "I didn't wear an outfit unless I posted it" or "I didn't eat that meal unless I snapped it", it can almost feel like your life isn't really happening unless you post a picture online somewhere. "It's so true. Social media can be amazing and shitty in equal measures. It depends where your head is at. It makes you question sometimes - is online the reality or is real life reality? And maybe more importantly, what is the relationship between the two?"
Do you think social media affects guys the same way that it affects girls? "I'm glad you brought that up actually. Mental health is a topic that people are becoming more willing to talk about openly, but balancing that with masculinity is a barrier we haven't managed to approach fully, let alone overcome. Boys are so quick to say "ah yeh, it's not that deep" when in reality, it is very, very deep."
Positive aspects? "Well, social media has made the world a hell of a lot smaller. In that sense, learning about what is happening around the world is easier. Information is more accessible and people can increasingly express their opinions, grievances, ideas and thoughts... Of course, there are limitations to that, but generally I think that's a positive."
I agree but what do you think about how people are responding to this 'shrinking world'? "Well, it can make everything seem so personal. I think that has had good and bad repercussions. People are more likely to hold themselves accountable for the things they say or what they do. Many social media users are trying to educate themselves and other people. This helps to increase the awareness of how what we do might affect someone from another country, culture or race... Again, it goes without saying that I can't speak for everyone and that there will always be idiots and stupid trolls."
Interesting... So where are you now with social media? "You know what, it has allowed me to accept what I look like. People praise me for how different I am now, whereas growing up, all I wanted to be was the same as the people around me. This acceptance has meant I distribute way less f*cks to what I look like and more to how I feel and what I do."
Interesting... So where are you now with social media? "You know what, it has allowed me to accept what I look like. People praise me for how different I am now, whereas growing up, all I wanted to be was the same as the people around me. This acceptance has meant I distribute way less f*cks to what I look like and more to how I feel and what I do."
You mentioned earlier that Instagram has kind of been like a modelling agency without you actually having to be signed... "Yeh, it kind of opened up a different side of my life. It partly started just before a night out, an agency approached me in the hopes that I would consider signing with them. Even though I decided not to, it gave me the confidence to try on my own. Surprisingly, I don't have a passion for it but I enjoy the creative and collaborative aspect."
Surprisingly? Did you think you would have developed a passion for modelling? "Umm, not really actually. I understand that what I'm doing is not something I put 100% of my energy and time into. Like I said, I definitely enjoy aspects of it but you know when you just have those one-to-one conversations with yourself and you put things into perspective... modelling doesn't really fit into my bigger picture, if you get me?"
Surprisingly? Did you think you would have developed a passion for modelling? "Umm, not really actually. I understand that what I'm doing is not something I put 100% of my energy and time into. Like I said, I definitely enjoy aspects of it but you know when you just have those one-to-one conversations with yourself and you put things into perspective... modelling doesn't really fit into my bigger picture, if you get me?"
Yeh, I get you. What helps you get perspective? "I'd say my grandma. All of my life, she never complained. She lived such a simplistic and minimalistic life and she was so peaceful for that reason. I try not to blow things out of proportion or overcomplicate things. It's unnecessary. A lot of overthinking comes from self-doubt and how you think others will perceive you. In reality nobody cares more than you do, so chill."
"Nobody cares more than you do, so chill." I like that. "It's true. I promise."
We ended up talking about music, books, history, and even cryptocurrency - we hopped all over the shop, I could go on for days here. It's safe to say we kinda sorted the world. I really enjoyed speaking to Ayush and thanked him so much for meeting with me... "No, thank you! I don't really share anything about myself on my Insta, so this is a good way for people to get to know me a little bit. I'm not good at speaking though so edit the f*ck out of it, make me sound like Shakespeare""Nobody cares more than you do, so chill." I like that. "It's true. I promise."